What Kind of Woman are You? Upgrade U
Anytime I listen to Beyoncé, it’s a vibe. But anytime I listen to Beyoncé and I’m on the weed, it’s a life altering experience.
So, it’s Saturday night, meaning the real true weekend night before back to the 9-5… womp womp womp. And I say fuck the diet and gym, I’m ordering pizza and ima be on the weed. So I watch wicked, but later I feel called to hear Upgrade U. I get all into honey in the mirror like I’m Issa. No, deadass. I’m deadass 😏 lol iykyk
Anyways, let me get to the point. I listen to the lyrics and I’m like wait. That’s me! I’m an Upgrade U woman. My mind quite literally exploded and I was like wait - I really do be upgrading these niggas.
I started thinking about the men I dated and yeah, I upgrade u niggas.
Let me give you some details because I’m not being cocky, I just have the data to back it up. I upgrade u niggas.
I think of an ex in college, terrible boyfriend BTW, but when he was with me, his mom called me thanking me because his son had his best grades this semester. He was two years ahead of me. I upgrade u niggas.
I think of a few who got the job because of me. Trust me, they’re smart men or I wouldn’t have fucked with them, but they may not have gotten the job without me. I will help you recognize your power. I will practice the interview with you. I pray a specific prayer for you to get the job. I only want the best for you so whatever I can do to ensure you win, I will do it. I upgrade u niggas.
So now that you get the message, you see why “I’m known to walk alone, but I’m alone for a reason? Sending me a drink at appeasing. Believe me. Come harder this won’t be easy. Don’t doubt yourself, trust me, you need me.”
But seriously, do you know why I’m alone for a reason?
This pussy is powerful. I’m protecting you and myself. I’m serious. I didn’t always know this. Chiiiiiile I’m hard headed, but also I had a lot of generational unlearning to do. It’s some I’m still embarrassed about. He who shall not be named. 🤫 any Harry Potter fans?
I even tried having a friend with benefits and I had to lie and tell him my favorite position is from the back. Why? Cause the nigga was falling in love and I didn’t need us to lock eyes… iykyk. I’m gone change your life if I really lock in. Ima make him tap out if I really tap iiiiin 😜. S/O to Lizzo. And I picked you as a friends with benefits for a reason… it was never gonna be you. Harsh, but true.
Okay so back to the song. Bey and Jay were doing some fun tennis like storytelling in this song. They were both trying to impress each other, but to take it a step further, they’re on the same level. He matches her fly. They’re equally yoked. See how everything was so high end and expensive, we kids didn’t know what they were saying? Oh. Or was that just me mumbling Audemars Piguet watch? Cause baby I didn’t know what they were saying, but what I do know now is I’m trying to play tennis like Bey and Jay. I don’t mean financially, though that would be dope. I mean what’s better than 1 Black billionaire? TWOOOOOO.
I mean, I want someone who will not only match where I’m at, but match my desire for more. That’s how courting/dating/talking should be. We should be playing tennis. Showing we can match drive, generosity, sexually, financially, etc. Time and discernment will reveal authenticity, because the signs will be there if they’re inauthentic. Don’t ignore them! Please, listen to your body.
Which also means, STAND UP! Stop seeing potential in these niggas when you know you gone upgrade a nigga life. It ain’t just your pussy, it’s what comes with it. And with it, with me, gone have our kids saying “I ain’t seen a ceiling in my whole life”. Word to Blue, free styling like.
As an Upgrade U woman, I’m upgrading my own life, so if you gone come around here, you better not slow me down. Instead, I expect you to get me there faster because for you, I absolutely will. I’m gonna Cater 2 U. It’s fuck these men yes, but I’m a true lover girl once I commit. Shamelessly too.
Pause ⏸️. Reminds me of Meg - I cannot cater to these niggas, but I love some Bey. I gotta regulate these niggas like I’m Warren G.
Pause again ⏸️. I should make a playlist: Upgrade U Playlist on Apple Music
Play. ▶️
If you’re an Upgrade U woman, don’t let anybody enter your womb, whether they’re impregnating you or not. Because we women are creators and multipliers; anything you receive from a man, you’ll multiply. Meaning wherever his high is, is where he’ll eventually bring you. So bring the man who is your equal. Who is in your tax bracket. Who is in your goal bracket. Who is in your travel bracket. Who is in your sex bracket. Who is in your emotional tax bracket. Who is in your looks bracket… LOL but seriously.
You may laughing but I’m serious. If you dated down looks wise, just know you run the risk of them pissing you off. And nothing will piss you off more than somebody ugly pissing you off. I know from experience. 😭
If you know you come with upgrades well past the material, don’t be laid up with any ol body. Seriously. Cause trust, the type of woman you are, men would see it as a come up to be tied to you with a child… yeah I said it, yeah I said it. Hey Riri.
Funny story. One time when I went out, someone asked me why I don’t have kids. I drunkingly said cause this is a million dollar womb.
Pause. ⏸️ She got that million dollar. Let me add that to the playlist.
Play. ▶️
I was just joking, but even my jokes honor how sacred my womb is. To run the risk of anything happening to my womb, you’re not just anybody-body. Ahaaaa. I carry the key to the next generation. I’m not interested in taking chances with that power. I want better for them and if you’re not elevating me, the next generation will be impacted by that, be it financially or emotionally. There’s so much power in who you surround yourself with, from coworkers to the person who has access to your womb; meaning that person better be a damn good one. Cause the wrong one will have you on the wrong journey. You can always reroute, but the faster you do, the faster you get back on track.
Gone and marinate on that a little bit…
Pause. ⏸️ OutKast please if yall do a tour together it would make my inner child elated. OutKast is what made roadtrips with my dad fun. It’s not just music, it’s a core memory of when times were much simpler.
Play. ▶️
I got a little emotional there. Must be the weed.
Note: when I say womb I don’t just mean for fertility. It’s simpler than that. Good sex breeds good results, gender neutral. Why? Because it lingers and you become lighter, more creative, more feminine. But bad sex, breeds bad results. A woman like you deserves to be worshipped for all you do for yourself and for others. You’re the glue to the friendship group kind of woman. You’re their mama don’t ever wanna let you go type of woman. U upgrade these niggas. He knows you do a lot, the least he can do is give you what you can’t give yourself sexually. Especially in the beginning. It only goes downhill, so please get yourself someone who doesn’t want to fuck you, but who lives to please you. Is that my worship kink speaking? Hehe.
No, but seriously it can all go downhill and even with Bey and Jay, or once upon a time did. So how down is your hill gone be? The higher the hill, the higher you fall yes, but the more protected the hill, the less likely you’ll fall far. And know that no one is immune to love life problems. Let’s not forget to mention, Jay didn’t want to go Eric Benét. He would do anything to have his queen back, even if the house is on fire. He knows there is no one like her. She’s UNIQUE, she’s Beyoncé. I mean think about it, he REALLY knows Bey. Very few have access to her and even fewer have access to her womb, her creativity. He understands her value.
“I can do for you what Martin did for the people. Ran by the men, but the women keep the tempo. It’s very seldom that you’re blessed to find your equal. Still play my part but let you take the lead role.”
Like yes I’m here encouraging you to pursue your dreams, because I’m here for you. I’m here for all of you and I will protect us; temple, prayer, spiritual protection. I upgrade u niggas.
So what I’m saying is this. Even if “oh it’s just sex”, be selective in who that is because they have access to your womb, especially if you’re capable of a pregnancy.
And I’m not innocent. I have been with the wrong type of many of times, but it’s nothing but the grace of God (and protection) and even if I got got, I wasn’t gone stay got. Believe that. I guess you know where I stand politically reading this. Cause it ain’t nothing but the grace of God some people ain’t had to make that choice. We all got that one or two where we thank God we got away cleanly. Imagine if you didn’t, bet you’d hate to lose that option. No matter how careful you are, there’s always a tiny room for error and what if that error happened when so and so entered your womb.
I’m rambling again…
In conclusion, stay selective about who gets access to you period, but especially the one you choose to give access to your pussy. Please. That is your creative portal. You deserve pleasure that ascends. You’re what makes a home a home.
Pause. ⏸️ Hey Siri, play Home by KenTheMan.
Play. ▶️
Last thing - if you’re like, but you don’t understand. The d? The tongue? I do. Please start self pleasuring more. You’ll get some real good post nut clarity once you get to know yourself. “Oops” by Tweet is a great beginner’s guide.
Anyways, I have a feeling this is going to reach a new audience. So when it does, I just want to say:
Happy Black Women’s History Month to my music faves!
Bey - I won’t tell anyone if you mail me flowers. I know that is the only way we get to talk to you. Boundaries. Period! 💐 Oh and can we get the gift on vinyl? Bigger deserves so much more.
Solange - girl, you are so cool. I also appreciated what you did in Houston last June. I took my grandpa to zydeco night and he loved it. I took my dad to see the Clark sisters and that amazing saxophonist. You did that!
Doechii - I hope all the Black women feel this shit is the type of time I’m on. Also, thank you for introducing me to the Artist’s Way, it changed my life. 🫶🏾
Meg - I’m so happy for you and proud of you. The epitome of Katt Williams’ 14 to 16 haters. Cause it ain’t nothing but hate at this point. Tea is, that’s what makes her powerful… Truly, from one Texas girl to another.
Thanks for enjoying this very authentic piece. No seriously, this was a high brain dump. But if it flops, it flops. But if it ascends, it ascends. 😌 There’s beauty in no, or a small audience. I still have to remind myself of it. If you too have a fear of being seen authentically here, check out the article below. Until next time. 🧚🏾♀️💕✨
Originally posted on Substack March 29, 2026 - https://thebrianadionne.substack.com/p/what-kind-of-woman-are-you-upgrade
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